Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
