The maid of honor just puked.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
