I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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