I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
