You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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