I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
