you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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