We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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