Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
