I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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