I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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