If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Actions speak louder than pants.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
