I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
