So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
