It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
