fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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