I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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