I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize