I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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