I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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