READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
