the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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