Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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