You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
