yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
