I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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