Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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