im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize