literally had 100 drinks last night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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