I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did I show you my penis last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
