That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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