so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
