today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
