i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
