Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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