my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
