Yo dont text me then not text me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
