I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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