My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
