it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
