I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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