I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
