16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
