Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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