dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize