You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
