In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
