there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
