thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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