it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
