doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
