ugly people sure do ruin things
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Boobs are out for the taking
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
