what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
