How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize