The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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