His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
