Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
