Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
