You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
