dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
