i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
