My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Couch. On fire.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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