after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
