pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
