Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
