Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
