Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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