can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
