never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
