girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
