Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
