Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
