No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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