It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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