We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
