I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
