i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
