she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
