Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
